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01: What is your idea of perfect happiness?


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It’s a rainy Saturday morning. I have nothing to do, nowhere to be.

I’m in bed, the lights are low, and I’m watching an excellent TV show. Some kind of drama, or mystery. Comedies are great, but I prefer them in small doses. Having to laugh at every other frame gets tedious.

So anyway, it’s Episode 5 of Season 1, of, let’s say Suits, for instance. I’m properly invested – excited to see what Jessica wears next, reluctantly rooting for Louis, mildly mad at Meghan Markle because I can’t believe the show got cancelled because of her and she didn’t even stay a Princess..

My phone’s on DND. There’s a nice cup of tea in one of those heated mugs so it stays at the exact temperature that I like. I have a good supply of all my favorite snacks nearby, and not a single care in the world. I’m not even thinking about myself at all. I’m in flow. I’m fully immersed.

I’m sure the monks would beg to differ, but I definitely consider this to be some kind of mindfulness practice. Nothing makes me more zen than spending time with my well dressed, quick witted, imaginary TV friends.

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OR, day 3 of falling in love. The annoying, will they, won’t they phase is over. We’re both fully in it. The baggage and trauma and trust issues haven’t reared their heads yet. Everyone’s on their best behavior, and we’re both dreaming of forever. Maybe this is it.. maybe you’re the one..

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OR, day 25 of a breakup when all the worst is done and I remember that actually I’m that girl and it’s their loss, and now I know exactly what Adele means when she says set fire to the rain because I’ve done it too.. and I have all this newfound energy and wisdom and inspiration for my next album and we all know it’s going platinum because I’m motherfuckin’ Adele and.. Well, obviously no, I’m not Adele, but you know that feeling, right?

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OR, like, game night at somebody else’s house and my team is winning.

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02: What is your greatest fear?


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There’s an episode of Ugly Betty where she’s just moved into her own apartment. On the news that night, they show an old lady that died alone (also watching TV I think; matrix much?) and nobody found her until several days after the fact.

As someone that lives by myself, fully enjoys my solitude and doesn’t always pick up the phone or text back immediately, I worry about the same thing happening to me more than just a little bit.

Also, drowning.

Also, I’ve just remembered how Tiffany Haddish said you shouldn’t tell people your fears because that’s how your enemies will take you down and now I’m sat here wondering if I should be brave like Joe Hudson would want me to, or be a smart babe and delete that last part.

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03: What is your greatest extravagance?


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My apartment. Somewhere along the way, I decided that I want to live in a Pinterest photo and I’ve been chasing that since.

I have way too much custom furniture. And way too many small tech goods that only perform one little function.

And my North Star a.k.a my meaning in life a.k.a the reason that I get out of bed every morning is the desire to get my finances in order to the point that I can buy myself an Eight Sleep guilt free.

And, okay, fine, also building my Mom her dream house – but she has other kids and they’re all older than me so that guilt is easy to displace due to last born privilege. 🙂

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04: What do you most value in your friends?


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How easy our friendship is. At some point, we all decided that we are each other’s forever friends and pretty much just settled into that. It’s as if we all earned enough goodwill with each other that we no longer need to maintain or perform or agree on all things or have the same values or… whatever.

The live and let live-ness of it, that’s my favorite thing.

And the knowledge that I can always come back to this little group and be exactly myself, whatever new version has emerged, and it will be okay, and I will be supported, and they will try to see where I’m coming from. And maybe they’ll get it, and maybe they won’t, but it won’t mean anything. We’ll just move on to the next phase of the conversation. To the things we do have in common. To enjoying each other's company and/or talking shit about the rest of y’all. Lol.

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05: Who are your favorite writers?


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Say what you will about J.K., but no one else has made me want to go back to school and almost die every term. Adventure! Platform 9&3/4! Owls, and spells and muggles, oh my!

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Also, Hozier because he says things like “your friends are a fate that befell me”

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Also, Radio. This one, I think, defies translation. Ugandans will understand. I’m not quite sure how to capture what he did in his time here. I think I’d probably say he had “rizz” as the kids call it. But really, it’s one of those you-had-to-be-there ones. A line of his that’s stayed with me is “omukwano tegumenya mugongo” which could mean love won’t break your back, so give yourself permission to experience it. Or love doesn’t break backs, so if you start to feel like you’re breaking, then maybe it isn’t love. It could even have a sexy slant to it if you’re feeling frisky… and that’s the kind of writing that obviously comes straight from the muse. I think. Anyway, the whole song is a masterclass in vulnerability done right. And his career was pretty much a long love letter to Ugandans. And, as I said, I don’t think I can capture it, but I’m super thankful I got to experience it. And wherever he is, I hope he finally gets to feel the way he made us all feel while he was here.. and it’s 00:22 and I’m starting to tell myself maybe it’s not that deep but it kind of is. And life is complicated. And I’m sad that Radio had to go the way that he did. And… words are powerful, you know?

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06: What is your motto?


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Constantly offer yourself up for annihilation so you can discover the parts of you that can’t be annihilated. ~ Joe Hudson (by way of Pema Chödrön)

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Okay, so, I didn't expect to get all existential writing about Radio. I thought I'd share a line or two about what he meant to us, but it became something bigger than I could explain—unfair in ways I can't make sense of. I'm not sure what stage of grief that is, but I'm clearly still in it. I didn't even know I was until I started writing.

I considered editing it out entirely, but I’ve kept it in because it shows where these questions can take you if you let them. A little discomfort on my part feels like a small price to pay in tribute to someone whose life had such a profound impact.

This is what the Proust profiles do—they invite you to let go of the performed self and see what remains.

If you read this and felt something—curiosity, recognition, even discomfort—that's the signal. That's what we're building toward.


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Submit a request below or nominate someone whose presence would strengthen the network.

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